Getting where you want to be

At best, I would describe my relationship with fitness as "casual". I know and like fitness, but committing full-time is much too hard. I envy all my friends who have embraced a lifestyle that lets them do all the physical things on a daily basis--sometimes complaining that it's hard, but more often, just happy to have done it. I have made countless excuses why I haven't found a way to commit to be consciously active--from spending too much time at work to basically saying my body wasn't built to run everyday. All these excuses fall short of acceptable because I see people around me who are no different than me and my situation, and they find ways to get out.

Yet I continue the struggle to be active. To fight the urge to just plop into bed, log on to the Internet, and live my zombie life. There's a big world waiting to be explored. Mountains to climb. Friends having fun outdoors without me. I need to be in shape. 

pool sessions

I have proven to myself that it is possible. Most of the goals I've set for myself were met. I was happy to be fit, despite not having six-pack abs to show for it. 

These past few weeks have witnessed my attempts to get back. At least once a week I've been to swimming, running, biking, and even wall climbing. My lungs--on the verge of collapse from months of minimal-activity--are doing heroically to keep up with the cold-turkey strategy. If feel this is the only way I can re-ignite the habit of sweating it out and re-building my body.

vertical and horizontal workouts

I am suffering, though. During the last bike ride with Daddy-o and King, I was humiliated with myself for not having the legs and lungs to keep up with the pair. I yearned for the time when I was the one in front of the pack, waiting for the others to catch up. Last night, my 1500-meter swim was a mere shadow of what I've become same time last year. Sadly, those glory days are past, and won't come soon enough. 

Perhaps I need the humiliation to spur me to push on. It's been hard, but I came to accept that I've fallen back on the ground and I need to fight my way back again to reach, and hopefully surpass, my "peak" form. 

I know where I want to be. Now I just have to work on getting there. 

Maybe then I could put this relationship to the next level.